Alphabetical List of Goon Show Scripts

Below is a list of all Goon Show scripts currently available. They form a record of the very funny comedy created by Spike Milligan and the other writers.

Each script has been transcribed from a recording of the actual broadcast rather than a mere reproduction of the original script. They contain what is actually heard in the shows including ad libs, gaffes and so on. You can see an original script in the collectables section.


(Series Number / Episode Number) in brackets
Vintage = Vintage Goons Series, Special = Special Episode.

£1,000,000 Penny, The (9/3)
£50 Cure, The (9/17)
Affair of the Lone Banana, The (5/5)
Africa Ship Canal, The (7/22)
African Incident (8/14)
Albert Memorial, The (Vintage/14)
Battle of Spion Kop, The (9/9)
Booted Gorilla (found?), The (5/10)
Burning Embassy, The (8/3)
Call of the West, The (9/12)
Canal, The (5/6)
Case of the Missing CD Plates, The (6/5)
Case of the Missing Heir, The (5/16)
Childe Harolde Rewarde, The (9/6)
China Story (5/17)
China Story (6/Special)
Chinese Legs, The (10/3)
Choking Horror, The (6/22)
Christmas Carol, The (10/1)
Collapse of the British Railway Sandwich System, The (4/24)
Curse of Frankenstein, The (8/18)
Dishonoured - Again (9/13)
Dishonoured, or The Fall of Neddie Seagoon (5/12)
Dreaded Batter-Pudding Hurler (of Bexhill-on-Sea), The (5/3)
Dreaded Piano Clubber, The (Vintage/12)
Drums Along the Mersey (7/2)
Emperor of the Universe (7/14)
End, The (5/26)
Evils of Bushey Spon, The (8/25)
Fear of Wages, The (6/25)
Fireball of Milton Street, The (5/22)
Flea, The (7/12)
Foiled by President Fred (6/7)
Forog (5/13)
Giant Bombardon, The (Vintage/4)
Gold Plate Robbery, The (9/16)
Goons Hit Wales, The (6/Special)
Great Bank of England Robbery, The (4/29)
Great Bank of England Robbery, The (Vintage/11)
Great Bank Robbery, The (7/7)
Great British Revolution, The (8/12)
Great Regents Park Swim, The (8/4)
Great Statue Debate, The (8/26)
Great Tuscan Salami Scandal, The (6/23)
Greatest Mountain in the World, The (4/23)
Greatest Mountain in the World, The (Vintage/2)
Greenslade Story, The (6/14)
Hastings Flyer - Robbed, The (6/15)
Histories of Pliny the Elder, The (7/25)
History of Communications, The (4/18)
House of Teeth, The (6/20)
I Was Monty's Treble (9/2)
Ill Met by Goonlight (7/23)
Ink Shortage, The (Vintage/7)
Insurance, the White Man's Burden (7/21)
Internal Mountain, The (Vintage/9)
International Christmas Pudding, The (6/9)
Jet-Propelled Guided NAAFI, The (6/19)
Junk Affair, The (8/2)
King Solomon's Mines (8/10)
Kippered Herring Gang, The (Vintage/5)
Last Goon Show of All, The (Specials/Special)
Last Smoking Seagoon, The (10/6)
Last Tram (from Clapham), The (5/9)
Lost Emperor, The (6/3)
Lost Gold Mine (of Charlotte), The (5/2)
Lost Year, The (6/13)
Lurgi Strikes Britain (5/7)
MacReekie Rising of '74, The (7/4)
Man Who Never Was, The (6/27)
Man Who Never Was, The (8/21)
Man Who Tried to Destroy London's Monuments, The (4/2)
Man Who Won the War, The (6/1)
Mighty Wurlitzer, The (6/16)
Missing Battleship, The (8/8)
Missing Boa Constrictor, The (7/24)
Missing Prime Minister, The (4/15)
Missing Scroll, The (5/19)
Missing Ten Downing Street, The (Vintage/3)
Moon Show, The (7/18)
Moriarty Murder Mystery, The (8/17)
Mountain Eaters, The (9/5)
Mummified Priest, The (Vintage/1)
Mustard and Cress Shortage, The (Vintage/8)
Mysterious Punch-up-the-Conker, The (7/19)
Mystery of the Fake Neddie Seagoons, The (7/9)
Mystery of the Marie Celeste (Solved), The (5/8)
Nadger Plague, The (7/3)
Napoleon's Piano (6/4)
Nasty Affair at the Burami Oasis, The (7/1)
Ned's Atomic Dustbin (9/10)
Nineteen-Eighty-Five (5/15)
Nineteen-Eighty-Five (5/20)
No Title (2/1)
No Title (2/3)
Operation Christmas Duff (7/Special)
Pam's Paper Insurance Policy, The (9/4)
Personal Narrative (7/8)
Pevensey Bay Disaster, The (6/10)
Phantom Head Shaver (of Brighton), The (5/4)
Plasticine Man, The (8/13)
Policy, The (8/9)
Queen Anne's Rain (9/8)
Raid of the International Christmas Pudding, The (6/17)
Reason Why, The (7/Special)
Red Fort, The (8/7)
Rent Collectors, The (7/16)
Robin Hood (7/Special)
Robin's Post (10/4)
Rommel's Treasure (6/6)
Round the World in Eighty Days (7/20)
Sahara Desert Statue, The (9/1)
Sale of Manhattan, The (6/11)
Scarlet Capsule, The (9/14)
Scradje (6/26)
Seagoon Memoirs, The (9/7)
Secret Escritoire, The (6/2)
Shangri-La Again (6/8)
Shifting Sands (7/17)
Siege of Fort Night, The (Vintage/13)
Silent Bugler, The (Vintage/10)
Silver Dubloons, The (10/5)
Sinking of Westminster Pier, The (5/21)
Six Charlies in Search of an Author (7/13)
Six Ingots of Leadenhall Street, The (5/23)
Sleeping Prince, The (7/6)
Space Age, The (8/6)
Spanish Suitcase, The (5/11)
Spectre of Tintagel, The (7/5)
Spon (8/1)
Spon Plague, The (8/23)
Starlings, The (4/Special)
Stolen Postman, The (8/11)
String Robberies, The (8/16)
Tale of Men's Shirts, The (10/2)
Tales of Montmartre (6/18)
Tales of Old Dartmoor (6/21)
Tay Bridge, The (9/15)
Telephone, The (7/11)
Ten Snowballs that Shook the World (8/20)
Terrible Revenge of Fred Fu-Manchu, The (6/12)
Thing on the Mountain, The (8/15)
Tiddleywinks (8/24)
Treasure in the Lake, The (6/24)
Treasure in the Tower, The (8/5)
Under Two Floorboards - A Story of the Legion (5/18)
Vanishing Room, The (Vintage/6)
What's My Line? (7/10)
Whistling Spy Enigma, The (5/1)
White Box of Great Bardfield, The (5/25)
White Neddie Trade, The (8/19)
Who Is Pink Oboe? (9/11)
Wings Over Dagenham (7/15)
World War One (8/22)
Ye Bandit of Sherwood Forest (5/14)
Yehti (5/24)

NOTE: Some scripts may appear more than once where episodes were re-performed. Different recordings of the same episode often exist where shows were re-edited for distribution. Also, some scripts were tweaked by Spike Milligan years later for inclusion in publications. The scripts included here match the orginal broadcasts as closely as possible without these edits and tweaks.

All transcripts have been transcribed by a small but hardworking group of goon fans across the world. These are constantly being updated and can be found at The GSD Forum and listed at The Goon Shows From Home. Those listed here are currently being reviewed to confirm their accuracy. Until this process is completed some scripts may not be perfect.